Learning to Love Bitter

Stir Fry Bitter Gourd with Shrimp

Bitter gourd was never my favorite food growing up.
My family loved it—but not just loved it, they loved it bitter. The kind of bitter that makes you pause after the first bite. They never tried to tame it or soften it. To them, that bitterness was the whole point.

So naturally, I avoided it.

That changed when I went to college. My roommate also loved bitter gourd, but the way she cooked it felt different. It was still bitter, yes—but gentler, more balanced. I slowly learned how to eat it, and more surprisingly, how to enjoy it. I remember wondering if my family’s way of cooking bitter gourd was somehow special… or if my palate just hadn’t caught up yet.

Fast forward to now, and I think I know the answer.
My palate has grown older—and it leans closer to my family’s taste these days. I’ve come to appreciate bitterness in a way I couldn’t before. There’s something grounding about it. Honest. Unapologetic.

When I found this recipe, Oseng-Oseng Pare Udang (Stir Fry Bitter Gourd with Shrimp), it immediately reminded me of home. It’s either exactly how my family cooks bitter gourd, or close enough that it feels familiar. Maybe my mom even learned it from this very book. Either way, it feels like a dish I grew into.

So I’m sharing it here—not just as a recipe, but as a small marker of how tastes change, and how some flavors wait patiently for us to be ready.

Stir Fry Bitter Gourd with Shrimp Ingredients

Oseng-Oseng Pare Udang (Stir Fry Bitter Gourd with Shrimp)

Stir-Fried Bitter Gourd with Shrimp

Ingredients

• 250 g bitter gourd (pare)

• ½ tbsp salt

• 2 tbsp cooking oil

• 3 cloves garlic, thinly sliced

• 6 shallots, thinly sliced

• 2 large red chilies, thinly sliced

• 2 thin slices galangal, lightly crushed

• 1 bay leaf

• 2 tsp taoco (fermented soybean paste), mashed

• 100 ml water

• 50 g peeled shrimp

Instructions

1. Prepare the bitter gourd
   Slice the bitter gourd lengthwise into two, remove the seeds, then slice into ½ cm pieces. Sprinkle with salt and gently squeeze until wilted. Let sit for 10 minutes, then rinse thoroughly and drain.

2. Start the aromatics
   Heat cooking oil in a pan. Sauté garlic and shallots until fragrant. Add chilies, galangal, and bay leaf. Stir until aromatic, then add the mashed taoco.

3. Cook the shrimp
   Pour in the water and bring to a gentle boil. Add shrimp and cook until they change color.

4. Add the bitter gourd
   Add the sliced bitter gourd. Stir and cook until everything is well combined and just cooked through. The bitter gourd should be tender but not mushy. Remove from heat.

Tip: Rubbing the bitter gourd with salt helps reduce bitterness—but not completely. And that’s intentional.
Nowadays, there are different types of bitter gourd sold in markets. Smaller, light-green varieties tend to be more bitter, while larger ones (often called Taiwanese bitter gourd) are milder and have thicker flesh. Choose based on how much bitterness you welcome.

Yummy Stir Fry Bitter Gourd with Shrimp

 This is one of those dishes that doesn’t try to please everyone.
It’s meant to be bitter.
And somehow, that makes it comforting—especially when served simply, with warm rice and tea, at a quiet table.

If bitterness has ever found its way into your life slowly, this dish might feel familiar too.

🤍